An Unfiltered Look at Love, Addiction, and Recovery: An Interview with Melissa Stoeltje

In her raw and compelling memoir, Drunk Love, Melissa Stoeltje takes readers on a deeply personal journey through the insidious grip of high-functioning alcoholism and the profound impact it had on her marriage, family, and sense of self. With wit, vulnerability, and unflinching honesty, she lays bare the moments of chaos, self-deception, and ultimate redemption that shaped her path to sobriety.

What inspired you to write Drunk Love?

I actually got the idea while I was still in rehab in 2010. I started journaling during my first week of a 28-day stay, hoping to wrest some kind of sense or meaning from the insanity unfolding around me. When I left, the idea came to me to document everything that transpired during my first year of sobriety — both as a way to frame the manuscript and to contain its scope. It was truly a year from hell — and heaven.

What do you hope readers struggling with similar challenges take away?

In meetings, I'd listen to people talk about weekend-long benders, DUIs, jail stints — and I'd think, I don't belong here. But the fact was, I had damn near destroyed my marriage with my drinking, and I had hurt my beloved only child with my drunken behavior. Here's the deal: You don't have to take the elevator all the way to the basement to claim your chair in recovery. If my story can help even one high-functioning alcoholic get to recovery faster than I did, the pain will have been worth it.

How did you navigate telling such a personal story while balancing privacy and honesty?

Mary Karr has said that if you're going to attempt memoir, you have to make a pact with yourself to tell the truth — about yourself, about those close to you, warts and all. If you're writing to make yourself look good, that's self-hagiography. Shame is a corrosive emotion, and I want no part of it. At the end of the day, this book is about finding remission from a fatal and progressive disease.

Did you discover anything surprising about yourself during the writing process?

One of the hardest parts was reliving the chapters that capture the moments when my drinking hurt my son, Sam. With the distance afforded by time and recovery, I'm still floored each time I revisit them. That's the disease of alcoholism — it tries to convince the sufferer she doesn't have it. It's a tricky son of a bitch.

What role did storytelling play in your recovery journey?

Storytelling is a huge part of recovery. We share our stories in meetings, and that's how we find healing. For over three decades, I worked as a newspaper journalist — a style of writing rooted in "telling" rather than "showing." Memoir depends heavily on showing. It took real effort — and some pain — to overcome those internal roadblocks.

If there's one message you want readers to walk away with, what would it be?

There is hope.

Drunk Love is available now. Get your copy today.