Loving Someone With an Addiction Without Losing Yourself

If anyone should have been protected from the chaos of addiction, it was Meredith Beardmore.

She is a licensed mental health counselor with expertise in substance abuse. She knows the research, the treatment approaches, and the warning signs. She has helped countless clients and families. She believed her professional knowledge would shield her from the collateral damage.

It didn't. When addiction entered the lives of people she loved, Beardmore discovered what millions of families already know: addiction spares no one, regardless of gender, income, or job title. Its reach is relentless, and it seeps into every corner of the lives of everyone around the person who is struggling.

Hey Addiction, Thanks for NOTHING: A Brutally Honest Guide to Loving an Addict Without Losing Your Mind is the book that came out of that experience. It's part memoir, part practical guide, and it's written for a group of people who are too often overlooked: the loved ones.

When we talk about addiction, the focus is usually on the person using. But addiction affects entire families. Parents, partners, siblings, children, and friends often live in a constant state of worry, hypervigilance, and exhaustion. They may find their whole lives organized around someone else's crisis: checking phones, waiting up at night, covering for missed obligations, trying desperately to fix something they can't control. Over time, they can lose track of their own needs, their own health, and their own identity. Beardmore's book speaks directly to them, with the message that their pain is real and that they deserve support too.

What makes the book so effective is its unique combination of perspectives. Beardmore bares her soul, sharing the heartbreak, frustration, and determination that come with loving someone with an addiction. But she also brings her clinical expertise, drawing on evidence-based approaches to offer a practical toolkit. Those include Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, known as ACT, which helps people accept difficult thoughts and feelings rather than fighting them, while committing to actions aligned with their own values. They include Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, or CBT, which helps people recognize and change unhelpful patterns of thinking. And they include expressive arts techniques, which use creativity to process emotions that can be hard to put into words. The book also features gritty, powerful illustrations depicting the desperate lengths people go to in trying to help their addicted loved ones, and many readers will see themselves in those scenes.

For all its seriousness, the book is also funny. Beardmore writes with humor, compassion, and an uplifting tone, and the title alone tells you she isn't going to tiptoe around the frustration. That honesty is exactly what makes readers feel understood. Reflection exercises and practical skills help turn insight into action, guiding readers out of the trauma and back into their own lives.

The book is valuable for mental health professionals, too, offering a resource that bridges the gap between clinical settings and everyday life. Beardmore, a psychotherapist in private practice near New York City and the creator of the YouTube channel Mend with Mere, has built her work around making healing accessible.

If you love someone struggling with addiction, this book offers humor, community, and a lifeline. You are not alone. Support is also available through groups like Al-Anon and Nar-Anon, and through the SAMHSA National Helpline at 1-800-662-4357.

Hey Addiction, Thanks for NOTHING by Meredith Beardmore is available now in paperback and hardcover.